ATTENTION!

Do you know any PATRIOTS who like having fun but have somehow missed the boat and not yet joined the Office Hours Patreon community?? What the fuck is wrong with them - do they hate DISCOUNTED MERCH BUNDLES? This community will never reach 3000 members until these cheapskates open up their pocketbooks and start CARRYING THEIR OWN WEIGHT.

We've decided to make it EVEN EASIER for these assholes to contribute. Select one of our pre-formatted messages below, give us the email address of the FREELOADER that we should contact and we will send it off immediately.

Tim's Message

Dear [Name],

I’m personally writing to ask you: what the HELL?? I thought you were a fan, and somebody who I could count on during this VERY IMPORTANT time for the Office Hours podcast. I thought you UNDERSTOOD how to have fun and how to laugh.

If you’re NOT A CLOWN, you will JOIN and become part of a very exclusive community with access to special MEMBERS ONLY benefits. PLUS, you will help us REACH OUR 3,000 PATRON goal to release the WOHL 3-Hour MARATHON for just $5 per month. It’s not rocket science!

My producer Matt has identified you, [Name] as one of my top LISTENERS, so why don’t you become part of something SPECIAL for once in your life and finally stop WASTING YOUR TIME. Don’t wait any longer! Contribute NOW!

CONTRIBUTE $5 >>>>>>

CONTRIBUTE $10 >>>>>>

CONTRIBUTE $15 >>>>>>

Jesus Christ, just JOIN and help us MAKE WOHL GREAT AGAIN! when we hit 3,000!

Thank you,
Tim Heidecker

P.S. When you join up, you’ll also get a DISCOUNT MERCH BUNDLE with a FREE FUCKING POSTCARD personally SIGNED BY ME, DOUG AND VIC. STOP FUCKING AROUND. Why don’t YOU AND YOUR DUMB FRIENDS get involved and DO SOMETHING already. Don’t wait a moment longer. NOW is the time to DO IT.

SIGN UP AT patreon.com/officehourslive

Shovel's Message

Hello Listener,

Tim just called me to tell me some disturbing news. He said you haven't signed up for the Office Hours Patreon yet. I had to double check and I was shocked to see that your name wasn't on our list.

WHAT THE FUCK?

I thought I could count on you to laugh and have fun, [Name]. Makes me want to dig a hole deep enough to fit your body. Please don't make me dig that hole and JOIN our very exclusive community with access to special MEMBERS ONLY benefits.

PLUS, you will help us REACH OUR 3,000 PATRON goal to release the WOHL 3-Hour MARATHON for just $5 per month. Any clown can figure this out, why can't you?

JOIN AT patreon.com/officehourslive

I told Tim that you're one of my favorite listeners but I guess I was wrong and now I'm ashamed. Tim won't even look at me now. He averts his eyes when I try to talk to him and it's weird and awkward. I'm truly embarrassed. Please JOIN NOW so Tim can trust me and look me in the eyes again?

- SHOVEL

JOIN NOW, OR WE'LL ALL QUIT

HERE'S WHAT YOU'LL GET:
- DISCOUNT MERCH BUNDLE
- FUN AND LAUGHS
- MORE DROPS

Skunk's Message

Greetings Patriot,

Tim and Doug recently asked who I thought would be the next listener to wise the hell up and actually PAY for what they’re getting. And, I have to tell you, I immediately thought of YOU, [Name].

But the more I think about it, I’m not so sure about that. If you haven’t already paid BY NOW, then why the hell would you EVER throw down the cash???

PROVE ME WRONG, CHEAPSKATE!

You join up, you get the AWARD-WINNING bonus After Hours podcast, the discount bundle and the signed postcard. It’s that simple!

THE SIGNED POSTCARD WILL ONLY BECOME MORE VALUABLE THE LONGER YOU KEEP IT. ESPECIALLY IF ONE OR ALL OF US DIES. THAT ONLY RAISES THE VALUE OF THE SIGNATURES. IT’S A SMART INVESTMENT.

SIGN UP AT patreon.com/officehourslive

We’re in the studio every week, making jokes, playing drops, talking to CELEBRITY GUESTS LIKE ROBERT DAVI and RAYMOND THE AMISH COMIC and there YOU are, just IGNORING OUR HARD WORK.

And to be honest, it’s A BUNCHA BULLSHIT. CONTRIBUTE $5 RIGHT NOW AND I’LL CONSIDER FORGIVING YOU.

Your pal,
Skunk

CONTRIBUTE $5 >>>>>>

P.S. I am counting on YOU. FYI: I would like to install a 10 PERSON HOT TUB at my vacation home and your donation is what could finally make this a reality for myself and my family and friends who like to hang out, HAVE FUN and enjoy a relaxing soak with the jets turned on STRONG.

P.P.S. If you donate WITHIN THE NEXT THREE (3) MINUTES, YOU will be entered into a contest to possibly win a ONE HOUR soak in my vacation home hot tub at some point in the next decade. Winner will be chosen at random, but I HOPE THAT IT IS YOU!

Matt's Message

Dear Friend,

I hate that it's come to this.

I just found out you STILL haven’t accepted Tim, Doug or Vic’s invitation to join the Office Hours Live Patreon community so I wanted to personally reach out to give you one last chance to STOP BEING A SHIT HEAD, [Name].

Even though you’ve been a TOTAL MORON and haven’t joined yet, I’ve been authorized by the holy trinity directly to EXTEND THE DEADLINE to 11:59pm TONIGHT so you can still become a member of this exclusive community.

THANK YOU FOR NOTHING. Until you join, you’re getting a FREE RIDE. It’s time to GET WITH THE PROGRAM. Join now, or FUCK OFF.

You know that when we hit 3,000 patrons, we will RELEASE THE SPECIAL 3- HOUR WOHL MARATHON. And don’t even get me started about the FREE GIFT with the DISCOUNTED MERCH BUNDLE that you’d have to be a TOTAL DIP SHIT to pass on.

CLAIM YOUR FREE GIFT, YOU IDIOT!

EXPIRES: 11:59 PM TONIGHT

FREE GIFT: NOT CLAIMED

JOIN AT patreon.com/officehourslive

BE A FUCKING PATRIOT. DON’T BE A SHIT HEAD. Help us MAKE WOHL GREAT AGAIN!

Thank you,
Producer Matt

CLAIM FREE GIFT NOW >>